Back to Nature

The last couple blog posts have been... bummers. Hard to help it. After months of COVID limbo, things are finally... getting worse. Cases are spiking. There is no sign of assistance from the government. It's all so much more of a struggle than it should be.

But anyway! I'm feeling better than I was while writing those last posts. I have so much work ahead of me but it doesn't seem as daunting. I believe this is due to two factors that I've introduced into my life: daily nature walks, and way less Instagram.

Every day last week I went on a brisk one-hour walk down the San Diego Creek Trail and back, with little variations each day to keep it interesting. I've been using it as a chance to meditate, listen to art-related podcasts, call my family, find inspiration, and just burn some calories since I've gained about 10 pounds since March. One thing I really love about living here in Irvine is there are so many places and opportunities to get out into nature. Every time I take a walk I find beauty; and usually some solace.

I have definitely been having trouble with figuring out which direction I should be heading with my art career. There are a lot of downs (and some ups) with pursuing this kind of path. I get depressed and anxious a lot. I lose my motivation. I question everything. It sucks and makes me feel terrible. My art feels directionless, so I try to think about the things I actually like. What do I actually like that makes me happy and excited (apart from eating all the

food and drinking all the wine anyway... because of aforementioned 10 pounds) and that I could incorporate seamlessly into my- *gag*- brand? Being in nature is where I started with that train of thought. Then I went back to when I was a kid- tan from summer, wearing a huge t-shirt and green rainboots, traipsing through my grandmother's garden with a book in hand, alternately popping a squat by the rhubarb to read, scrambling up the big tree by the fence, rubbing my fingers against parsley and rosemary then sniffing the herbal fragrance left behind. Then, having at some point put on trousers, wandering off down the road toward Lake Champlain- an exciting journey filled with secret detours to explore wooded hollows and long abandoned footbridges and raspberry bushes. Or bicycling around the block, stopping at various yard sales, going fast fast over speed bumps, scraping my knees.

Yeah. That's the good stuff.

But what else do I enjoy? I was somewhat of a goof-off as a kid; I'm not sure exactly how much that has changed. There is really nothing like the feeling of making a group of people laugh. Yeah, that's a really good one.

I like writing. When I was in college I thought one day I'd write a great American novel, but that notion doesn't hold much romance for me anymore. Maybe one day I'll still write an okay American novel. For now I'll sate the urge with this blog.

I like my cat.

I like beautiful things. I like